office politics.

Jessie 

even you guys get snacks

all we get for free is coffeh

Diana

lame

laaaame

I mean, hard times and all.  I would rather they are paying your salary than providing bagels

Jessie 

i dunno, tough call there

i really like bagels

Diana

Okay, tell you what.

You go pick someone at THQ, and get them fired

Their annual salary will probably cover a year's worth of bagels

Diana

Now, if you want cream cheese, you'll also have to get like, some entry level person canned

Pro tip: if you get yourself fired, people will get bagels, but those people will not be you

not even a great fiction writer could make that up.

Jessie 

someone just called asking to speak to "mana tee"

i thought it was a prank

turns out it was a wrong number

this means there's someone out there actually named "manatee"

Haven

*buries face in hands*

I DO WHAT I WANT

Jessie 

mraww

Rob

you're not a dinosaur

Jessie 

YOU DONT KNOW THAT

two tickets, please.

Becca

booo

I'm like an abandoned friend

abandoned for video games

Jessie 

i mean if you were shiny

and had guns and stuff

i might hang out with you more

Becca

I do have guns

two of them

I use them for hand-stands

nostalgic for the days when eating an entire pizza in one sitting was considered attractive.

Justin

jessisaurus is a legit nickname though

unless it is in reference to short arms

Jessie 

cant say ive ever been known for short arms

Justin

in many cultures that is the ultimate compliment

it means you are royalty and dont have to reach for things

the most important role in the movie.

Kristin 

oh my god can i do that with you

i will play the part of his shoulder bag

dealbreaker.

another classic.

Charlie

i always thought Mary-Kate and Ashley were three people

Charlie

I'd see them in pictures all the time and think "Where the fuck is Kate?"

honestly i'd prefer the banana bread.

Schieber

we baked banana bread.

Schieber

and you call california exciting.  go party with paris hilton.  we have banana bread.

it's not rape, it's...