my brother and me.

Mikey

what do you want for Christmas?  

Jessie 

skyward sword
what do you want for Christmas?

Mikey

skyward sword
hahaha

Jessie 

this is half life 2 all over again

technology meets maturity.

emerald weapon got nothin on this fierceness.

Jimmy

i swear FF is designed by teenagers who have no idea what real emotions are

Jessie 

dude
not the old ones

Jimmy

well it's weird - 7: perfectly fine

8, they start to get emo

9, everything is alright again

10, people began looking at each other, asking "should we be worried"

Jimmy

today they're basically fashion simulators

you wear impossible clothes while pouting and moving down a narrow walkway

sold.

Jimmy

um you should play TF2.
because it is free, and you can backstab people, and you can collect hats.
hats, perlo

most people just bring a kitchen accessory.

Diana H

The guy who did the sound design and voice for all Pokemons after Gold was at the party I was at on Saturday night

Diana H

He got really wasted on banana jello shots I brought, and threw up in my friends' new bathroom (it was a housewarming)

Diana H

So, my housewarming gift to them is that I got Pikachu to bless their house.  With yellow vomit.  

making light of a creepy situation.

introducing the one man comedy show: allan the australian

Allan the Australian

The girl who sits next to me got in early as well today
and for some reason keeps cracking ALL her bones
It's really aggravating
And she has rolled the blind up and down on her window about 19 times in the last 12 minutes
Sit still motherfucker!!

Jessie 

well
i can think of one way you can get her to sit still
but it involves you going to prison afterwards

Allan the Australian

I'm not really build for prison
Or, I am, which is the problem.  
I don't really want to become the leisure activity of choice for the Latinos or whatever.
Allan the Australian

For clarity's sake though - did your solution involve a taser or rohypnol?
Because the laws are a bit different over here.

he knows the way to my heart: food analogies.

Rob

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vlkWUPhJCw&feature=player_embedded

Jessie 

CONGRATULATIONS FUCKFACE
YOU JUST MADE GCHAT STATUS AGAIN

Rob

Call me butter 
CUZ IM ON A ROLL

going in our friendship montage.

When you wake up on your bestie's couch and realize you've lost your phone (and thus will have no music for the ride home), you quickly learn that a true bestie will not only make you an electro-heavy mix CD for the trip, but also write something funny on it to make you laugh so hard that you forget you'd lost it in the first place

In response to my laughter: "What, I gotta keep ya safe!"  -  Andrew Thomas FTW

you aint nothin' but a EVP of core game brands.

Jessie 

it's dbilson's birthday today
which is more informative than anything
because id always assumed he just.. congealed somewhere

Diana H

So maybe it is his congealiversary

Jessie 

HAH let's go with that

Diana H

Except good luck finding a Hallmark card for that
"Happy Congealiversary!  Here is a shitty recording of an Elvis song!"

electro street cred.

Jessie 

we didn't think to invite you because you don't like electronic music

Brian

um.
i took ecstasy in a dubstep tent for like EIGHT HOURS once.
i LOVE electronic music.

80s kids.

Haven

CUZ RICH IS THE BOSS!

Jessie 

HELL YEA

Haven

* JUMPING HIGH FIVE *

Jessie 

* WITH FREEZE FRAME *

Haven

* RED ZIP HOODIE AND WHITE JOGGING PANTS WITH RED ADIDAS *

and that's how you use cancer to one-up someone.

Jessie 

come on Friday!

Jess CK

not sure if i can
my bff from high school is celebrating 2-years cancer free on Friday

Jessie 

holy shit
i can't compete with that

Jess CK

yeah, whenever i say something like, "fml"
she goes "i had cancer bitch"

the morning after.

bring your tiny human to work day.

Jessie 

every time someone brings their kid to my cube
i never know what to say to it
after "how old are you?" i run out of material

Rob

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR BOOGERS?
HARRY POTTER'S COOL, RIGHT?

as if the booty-shakin' hoes weren't a dead give-away.

the art of double-entendre

*someone* had to ask.

you'd have wanted to go out with a laugh.

As you advised, I promise to never stop being extraordinary and "odd",   to search for happiness in the small picture (and in doing so, have faith that the big picture will take care of itself),  and to not shy away from those "greater things" that I'm destined for.   Most importantly though, the one you said trumps all the others, I promise to marry someone who is nothing short of my best friend.  

Kids Day at THQ - August 6th, 2010

RIP Mike.  I'll never forget you

Love,

"Bright Eyes"

if you feed her acid she'd birth god.

Jessie 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7iESu2XuCU
btw that DJ is SEVEN-FUCKING-TEEN
but he's french so he had a leg up
they start mixing and sampling in the womb over there

Haven

holy shit
im moving to france
marrying a broad
knocking her up
and feeding her X until she bears me the best international DJ child in the history of man

this is why we're friends.

sleep-rogue.

Rob

IMMA DRINK IN LIKE TEN MINUTES

Jessie 

I HATE YOU
WHATEVER
AT LEAST I DONT HAVE TO DRIVE TO NEWBURY PARK OR BE SOMEBODYS COUCH BITCH WHEN IM DONE DRINKING

Rob

I CAN SLEEP WHEREVER I WANT
SOMETIMES ITS JUST LESS SAFE

bilson has ninja skillz.

Brandy

there's a video on funny or die
called Rachel Bilson's deleted sex scenes
i'm afraid if i click on it, Dbils will pop out of nowhere and fire me

check check.

Niko

THERE ARE PLUMS IN THE KITCHEN NEAR ME
FOR FREE

Jessie 

NICE RHYME
YOU SPIT SOME SERIOUS FIRE

Niko

I WASN'T EVEN TRYING
YOU ARE MY MUSE

see previous entry.

Rob

dude, women love this game.

Jessie 

its just like
OH IT INVOLVES RAISING BABIES
OF COURSE WOMEN LOVE IT

Rob

ITS AN EGG YOU HAVE THOSE

the day adam king came to THQ for a meeting with ali.

From: Jessica
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:25 PM
To: Ali
Subject: Adam King wants to know if you have a second to say hi

I can tell him you’re on a conference call if you’re swamped—Let me know. He’ll be waiting in the lobby till I hear from you

______________________________
From: Ali 
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:26 PM
To: Jessica
Subject: RE: Adam King wants to know if you have a second to say hi

Sure, but I’m in San Francisco. Please give him the middle finger if no one else is looking.

four. a. day.

Jessie

(status) nicorette for lunch

Ellie

You know, nicorette only covers one food group

i don't know how i would get through life without facebook's helping hand.

click to enlarge:

thanks for the heads up.

herro prease.

Jessie

out of curiousity, what are you going to be doing while im killing north korean scum?

Malcolm

i dunno

potentially be in san diego

Jessie 

oh well thats actually fun

Malcolm

meh

not as fun as killing north koreans

Jessie

but then again what is?

Malcolm

killing chinese

receptionist by day, serial killer by night.

Brandy

lol k. i just ate 3 york peperment patties. 

Jessie

UHNNN THOSE ARE SO GOOD

Brandy

i has 1 left

want it?

Jessie 

augh dude no

do you have any idea what my freezer looks like at home?

Brandy

it would be creepy if i did

hipsters.

Jessie 

http://www.someecards.com/2011/03/14/hipster-trap-in-nyc

Jared

awesome
where's the Neil Young After the Gold Rush vinyl?

(joke about jewishness/passover)

Jessie 

if you dont have a good time

you can have my firstborn

Thomas

why the fuck would you try to bribe me with a baby?

Thomas

"Here's what I'll do for you:"

"You can have alll the shitty parts of having sex without a condom"

"Without all the awesome parts of having sex without a condom"

this is a real thing.

Thomas 

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2011/02/the-least-sexy-sexy-game-trailer-ever-made.html

AMAZING

WATCH NOW

Jessie 

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA

WHAT THE FUCK

THAT WAS RIDICULOUS

Thomas 

right?

it's like

perfect for your next orgy!

this is the last post about my "o" key being broken, i prmise.

Scott 

oh geeze, you're a mess

you gotta pull yourself together

Jessie 

I KNW UGH

Scott 

with all these vowels you're dropping you look like an athlete's twitter.

couldn't resist.

HURA in the USA.

before reading, please see: http://whenparentstext.com/post/2693144810/hura

Jessie 

guy in lobby taking picture of War: "this guy is REALLY ugly"

me:  "he does have ears, y'know"

guy: *blank stare*

Niko

He did not HURA

gd. damnit.

Jessie

my "o" key is brke

Haven

just use leet speak

s33 its Ez

Jessie

i wuld except GUESS WHAT NUMBER IS BRKEN

Haven

no.  way.

Jessie

AND the cmmand key

which, if yu have a mac, is essential

Haven

wait, the butterfly key is broken?

Jessie

yep.

Haven

god have mercy on your sul

*sign of the crss, hly water sprinkle*

nailed it.

Jessie 

ive also been fighting off a staph infection

Leah Ring 

OMG from what?!?!

are you ok?

Leah Ring 

that sounds like some oregon trail shit?!

not quite old school.

Thomas 

wanna show me the new place and play some video games tomorrow?

Jessie 

HELLS YEA

i haven't seen you in a bajillion years

Thomas 

i knowwww

well tomorrow will be good times

old fashioned

Jessie 

ill bring my monocle

Thomas 

i'll bring my bedpan

staph infection, AKA the poor man's t-virus

Jessie

fernando velloso was walking down the lobby stairs
looks at my wrist-bandage and says in his accent
"you ehhhh-try to eh-kill yourself?"

Niko

HAHAHAHHAHA

You should have a sign by your desk
"NO, I DID NOT TRY TO KILL MYSELF, I HAVE A CONTAGIOUS RASH"