Friday, November 30, 2012

facebook archaeologist

J
Completely forgot that Facebook had a "poke" feature, so I wasted 5 minutes of my life poking random people.
Jessie 
POKEFIGHT
J
haha
I don't remember why this feature exists
it's so dumb
Jessie 
it was something from back in the day when facebook first got introduced and was just something people used to get laid
J
I poked way too many males.
crap.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

wisdom.

Chris
So I remember you work at THQ?
Chris
Anyways, I bought Darksiders 2 and was wondering if you had any advice before I kill a bunch of stuff.
Jessie 
my advice would be
Jessie 
KILL A BUNCH OF STUFF

Sunday, August 5, 2012

it was clearly a draw.

excerpts from a "Das Racist review quote-off" contest between two friends:

“Over a simple, unadorned laptop beat, Vazquez calls out, “I’m at the Pizza Hut, I’m at the Taco Bell—I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.” Suri answers back with the same words. This goes on, unchanged, for a long time. Eventually, it emerges that Suri and Vazquez can’t find each other and may be at different Pizza Hut / Taco Bell franchises.”

“Once you realize that the song is a grass roots cry for help from America's oppressed proletariat, it will become obvious that the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell is an extended metaphor for the corporate abuses of laissez-faire economics. Essentially this song is a continuation of the dialogue most famously presented by Marx and Engels in the original Manifest der Kommunistischen Partei. What these young men have done here is nothing short of revolutionary. I applaud them.”

a winner was not declared.

in case there was any doubt we're related.


Monday, June 11, 2012

nerdspeak.


Monday, June 4, 2012

E3 2012.

Jessie 
i mean, remember activision's "booth" last year?
Diana
Christ, it was practically a cubicle
Jessie 
HAH yea
seems like everyone's following suit this year 
scaling back on the flashy stuff
Diana
What the hell is the point of E3, then?
Flaunt, damn you!
Jessie 
right?!
it's always been like watching a big penis contest
aaaall of the publishers coming together to whip it out and see whose is bigger 
Diana
Yeah, but this year it's like everyone's afraid we'll notice how gay that is
And now we don't even get any dick pics
This metaphor rules
Take THAT, decency!

birfday.

Jessie 
i haven't thought of deets, i hate planning
figure i'll just send out a last-minute text on saturday
like a scavenger hunt
Kristin
that's fine
as long as we're not meeting at like, a truck stop
I mean, unless you want the them to be "sexual assault"

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

i talk about freeze-frame high fives a lot.

Jessie 
FREEZE FRAME HIGH FIVE
Kristin
Isn't that just hand-holding?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

durrty thurrty.

Julie
if it's on the early side i can swing by
after i get my junk lasered
Jessie 
IS THAT CODE FOR GET YOUR VAGINA WAXED?
Julie
AHHAHA!
lasers!  beew beeeeeww!
zzzzzzzap
Jessie 
PEW PEW
Julie
oooh you PEW... i BEW
Jessie 
it's okay don't feel bad i just have a faster lazer than you
Julie
hahahaha i'm old.. mine's all dull

Thursday, February 23, 2012

collar-tug.

Rob
ugh i'll google it
dude we suck without the internet
Jessie 
we really do
how did people get anything done without it?
Rob
mexicans.